I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
