I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
