maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't deserve a penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
