I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
