dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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