My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
