so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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