Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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