if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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