Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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