Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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