who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
