I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
