Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
