I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
