Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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