I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
