We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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