I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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