you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
