and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
