Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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