My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
whose ass print is on the piano?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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