Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
