Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
