she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
