Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
