So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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