She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
