Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
