Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am one with the molecules
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
