I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
