I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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