my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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