I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
