his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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