But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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