You're so nebulous sometimes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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