I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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