When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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