just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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