i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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