so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
