i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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