He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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