All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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