Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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