my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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