Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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