1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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