Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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