How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
