my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He has the fingertips of a God
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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