mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
