toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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