you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
