I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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