Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
