I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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