she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
