Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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