I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
