No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up under a house in Key West
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
