Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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