We won't sleep together?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
