Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
