I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
