you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
